Maybe you were never meant to catch that train..
Let me tell you about my dream.
This morning I woke up and went through the process of remembering what I had dreamt of the night before. Having Neptune in the 4th House has me vivid dreaming, a lot. But I never thought about writing down these dreams or looking deeper into them until recently. So why do I want to tell you about my most recent dream? Because I think it was a message to all of us.
I was at the train station and feeling the anxiety that the train is coming and I have to get at ticket. I am at the ticket machine, but I don’t know where I’m going. I am pressing buttons, looking for a destination but I don’t know what to press. Am I going to Grand Central? (I have purchased tickets to and from there a lot during my college years so my brain must’ve snuck that there because it was familiar.) Or somewhere else? I don’t know.
I look to the platform and see my “friends” are all there waiting for the train looking at me. In the moment, it seemed they had their tickets and I was over here confused. I panic. Look at the screen again and realize I can buy a ticket to “somewhere specific” or get two tickets that go anywhere - like a two way pass to any stop. So in that moment, I thought “Okay, I can get two tickets that I can use for anywhere since I don’t really know exactly where I am going.” And at the same time I am thinking, how do I not know where I am going? Why am I here. As I look back at the screen, I realize am still having trouble actually purchasing the ticket — somehow I am not pressing the right buttons. There are people behind me.
I look to the side and see a ticket booth. The woman selling tickets looks at me. I realize people are getting tickets from her so I think “Maybe she knows what to do.” As I start walking towards her my dream ends.
As I thought about this during the day, I realized my dream was showing me something. I wasn’t supposed to take that train with everyone else. I wasn’t supposed to go the same destination.
I have spent so much of my life trying to figure out who I am. What my gift is. Where I’m going. Tarot, Astrology, Psychics, Mediums, you name it. It feels like someone had the answer. The ticket lady had the answer! and then POOF. My dream ended and it was like it said “No you don’t.” “You’re not asking her for help.” You shouldn’t be asking anyone where you’re going.
How ironic my waking life reflects this. It reflects all of our lives. We see so much on social media, we get confused with our identity. We envy people for what looks like a dream life on an island, working remote and living the dream, van living, having their own business, having fun, not doing the 9-5 and somehow making it. But everything seems so un attainable because we see a version of ourselves in these people, and we think - That could be me! I can start a blog, a business, a life somewhere else. But then discouragement comes because it feels like how am I going to achieve that same thing?
I think social media shows us our desires in a way, but disconnects us from ourselves. We look to others for answers but not within. Maybe I am not meant to have one destination. Maybe I am meant to try different things, gather knowledge, experience and just relax. Maybe my gifts are meant to be for myself and those I love. It’s okay to have many passions. That’s what life is about. It would be nice if I knew what I wanted to do since I was little, but I don’t. I’ve had so many jobs, taken so many courses, read a ton of books. I feel no closer to the “thing”. But along the way I realized I keep looking outside of me. For someone to be my ticket lady.
I am starting to realize I just need to heal the anxiousness in my heart and flow with life. I did a guided meditation recently on YouTube and met my Guardian Angel (or at least one of them). He/she told me to feel the love in my heart and then I was shown water. Water flowing like a river but then I was shown small cracks where only water fits through. Those are the places I need to allow myself to be. To not stay in a straight line but veer off and discover.
So I want all of you dear readers, to know it’s okay to not have a ticket to one destination. That you don’t have to follow the crowd because they look like they know where they’re going. To not ask the ticket lady, or feel pressure that you need to know what to do right now.
Flow & love will guide your way. Just have trust and repeat “Everything is always working out for me.”
xo
